I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
