I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
