alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
