What did we do last night that was yellow?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
