May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
