bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
