I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
