My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
