please come you make the beer taste better
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
