Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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