Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
