Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
