Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I want a musical about memes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
