Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
