I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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