Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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