he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
