why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
