I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
