Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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