Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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