That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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