We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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