The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
