Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
