I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
