I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
