Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
