sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
