So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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