I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
