He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
