My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
