i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
