I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
