My sheets look like a crime scene.
Small penises have feelings too.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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