oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
