You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
