youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
