an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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