We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
