there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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