Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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