Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
