I think I died a long time ago.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
