you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
