how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
