What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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