If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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