Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
